how the bubble tea lady in holland v almost killed me

Singapore is roughly 100 kilometers (about 65 miles) from the equator. FROM THE FREAKIN' EQUATOR. You forget that occasionally, or I do, it seems so incredible, like saying you live an hour's drive away from the north pole or maybe half a day's swim from the bottom of the ocean. But the sun will soon teach you to respect it, oh yes! here at the equator, where the surface of the earth bulges out like the spare tire on an aging geek, closest to the sun!! You say, oh, well, Starhub came to hook up the internet at noon and now they're gone and there's no food in the house, let's just walk down the street, 20 minutes, no problem, to HV for lunch. Forgetting that it's 12:20 at... The Equator. So your quick jaunt turns into a death march and by the time you get to HV you are actually on the verge of heatstroke...

AND the bubble tea lady, for whom you made a bee-line once you made it at last, knowing she had ICE, that magical substance that might-- possibly-- just save you from collapse, AND whom the Singaporean Toursim Board would have you believe speaks english, like all of the friendly nation here at the gateway to the east, does not actually speak english but Singlish, and finds your American accent completely incomprehensible besides...

in an effort to serve you well dutifully presents you with query after query trying to understand your order, blended/not blended, boba? jelly? juice? etc. (completely incomprehensible at the time) until you are literally swaying under the baking heat of the awning knowing that your face is beet red, your vision narrowing...

till you finally shove money over the counter, the amount you know not what, neglecting your change, taking the beverage from her hands as politely as possible considering your NEAR DEATH STATE and press the plastic freezie, I am not kidding, against the side of your neck where your carotid artery pumps blood to your brain that is several handfuls of degrees higher than it should be.

Two seconds from passing out you are saved. The bubble tea lady has a very poor opinion of you. But it's a small price to pay for your life.

I write 'I will show more respect to my environment' on the board one hundred million times.